Understanding the Motivations Behind Romantic Relationships
New research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin has revealed that people who seek romantic relationships for genuine reasons, such as a desire for connection and intimacy, are more likely to form lasting partnerships. This study introduces a new scale to measure the motivations behind romantic pursuits, showing that motivations based on personal interest and values predict a higher chance of being in a relationship after six months.
Romantic relationships are often considered a universal life goal, with many theories assuming that most people naturally desire love, sex, and companionship. However, not everyone is drawn to dating for the same reasons—or even at all. Some individuals feel pressured by family or society, while others may avoid dating due to a preference for independence or ambivalence towards romance. The researchers aimed to create a framework that captures this wide range of motivations.
Self-Determination Theory and Romantic Motivation
The study was led by Geoff MacDonald, a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto. He became interested in this topic through his research on both singlehood and romantic relationships. According to self-determination theory, motivations fall on a spectrum from external and pressured to internal and freely chosen. For example, someone might pursue a relationship to meet others’ expectations, to avoid feeling lonely or inadequate, or because they genuinely enjoy romantic connection. The theory also includes amotivation—when people feel no particular drive or see no reason to pursue a relationship at all.
MacDonald explained that relationship researchers often approach people’s reasons for dating from the perspective that people just enjoy relationships, such as due to evolutionary drives. In contrast, singlehood research focuses on social structures and pressures that incentivize partnering. He wanted to integrate these perspectives into one model.
The Autonomous Motivation for Romantic Pursuit Scale (AMRPS)
To achieve this, the researchers developed the AMRPS, a 24-item questionnaire that assesses six types of relationship motivation: intrinsic, identified, positive introjected, negative introjected, external, and amotivation. These range from highly autonomous to more controlled, as well as no motivation at all.
- Intrinsic motivation involves seeking a relationship because it is genuinely enjoyable or emotionally fulfilling.
- Identified motivation reflects a sense that being in a relationship aligns with one’s personal values or life goals.
- Positive introjected motivation involves pursuing a relationship to boost self-esteem or feel proud of being partnered.
- Negative introjected motivation is driven by a desire to avoid negative feelings like shame, guilt, or a sense of failure.
- External motivation comes from outside pressure, such as wanting to meet others’ expectations or avoid social stigma.
- Amotivation reflects a lack of any clear reason or drive to pursue a relationship.
Study Findings and Implications
In the first part of the study, the researchers tested how these six types of motivation relate to existing psychological traits and relationship preferences. They surveyed two large samples of single adults, over 1,200 people in total, who were not currently in relationships. Participants completed the AMRPS and other questionnaires measuring things like attachment style, social goals, fear of being single, communal strength, and desire for romantic involvement.
People who scored high on intrinsic and identified motivations tended to have a more secure attachment style, stronger social goals, and greater interest in committed relationships. Those who scored high on introjected and external motivations were more likely to fear being single or have anxious attachment patterns. Amotivation was associated with avoidant attachment and less interest in serious romantic involvement.
To test whether these motivations predicted actual relationship outcomes, the researchers conducted a second study. They followed over 3,000 single adults between the ages of 18 and 39 over a six-month period. At the beginning of the study, participants completed the AMRPS and reported on their relationship desires, intentions, and life satisfaction. Six months later, they reported whether they had entered a romantic relationship.
The results showed that people with more autonomous motivations—particularly those who scored high on intrinsic or identified reasons—were significantly more likely to have partnered by the follow-up. In contrast, those who reported high levels of negative introjected motivation were less likely to find a partner.
Unexpected Findings and Limitations
One unexpected finding was that people who scored higher on amotivation were also slightly more likely to have entered a relationship, once other types of motivation were statistically controlled. Amotivated individuals who became partnered also reported higher satisfaction with alternative options outside the relationship, suggesting they may not have viewed the relationship as their primary goal.
The researchers emphasize that the AMRPS is not intended to judge whether someone should or shouldn’t want a relationship. Instead, it provides a structured way to understand the diverse motivations people bring to dating. In doing so, it can help organize future research on romantic behavior and shed light on why some singles feel stuck or ambivalent, while others actively seek connection.
The study also highlights that social pressure to date doesn’t appear to make people more likely to find a partner. This challenges the idea that pressure or stigma around being single is an effective motivator for relationship success.
However, there are some limitations. Most participants were young adults living in Western countries, so the findings may not apply to older adults or people in cultures where family plays a stronger role in relationship decisions. The study also couldn’t identify exactly why certain motivations lead to better relationship outcomes—whether it’s persistence, confidence, attractiveness, or other factors.
Despite these limitations, the research offers valuable insights into the complex motivations behind romantic relationships and the importance of understanding individual differences in dating behavior.
